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Does Marriage Change an M/s Relationship?

I’ve heard this question asked many times, and i’ve heard both yes and no answers and the reasons behind the answers …. Mostly it is those who have not married, and who maybe thinking of it, that will say it will not change a thing…and those who are married will say that they did not believe it would change but it did!

 

So, here is my short answer first!

 

i believe that if changes happen, those changes can be connected to the mindset of the Master more than anything else. i say that, because i think that the mindset of the slave in a long term relationship, depends on the mindset of the Master – in most cases -, and certainly in my own relationship it is true.

 

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Often the main reason for getting married is given as “to protect the slave if anything happens to the Master” – and indeed this is a true and valid reason for making the relationship “legal in the eyes of the law”..

 

Does “love” come into it? Does “i couldn’t bear to live without you” come into it? In my opinion those elements are often there whether we are married or not, and in my own personal situation, i did not expect to become Master Joe’s legal wife – not in a million years! I was quite happy with the situation, living with Him, being His slave, and His lifetime companion – “de facto” in the eyes of the law. So when He proposed to me over a dessert called “nutty balls” in July 2008, i was completely gobsmacked!

 

I always tell people that i am “slave first and wife second” and indeed that is what i believe, i came into His life as His slave, He married me after that, 3 years after the collaring ceremony. Master says that He is my Master first and my husband second.

This is what we SAY to people.

 

So, what do i think has changed for me in my relationship with my Master, since we got married?

 

Not my surname because i had already changed that when we were collared, thinking that was as close to marriage as i would get with Him.

 

Not my feelings of security and completeness and happiness, because i already had those before we got married.

 

Not what i call Him - because to me, He has always been “Master or Sir” – or “my darling or sweetheart or honey” in vanilla type situations – never ever have i called Him by His given name of Joe and in fact when we did get married, i had to teach myself to blink when i said His name, so that i would not have to look at His eyes when i said it!

 

The only thing that was an obvious change for me, was that i could truthfully say “my husband” or call myself “His wife” in any kind of exchange with anyone– the bank for example.

 

 

But now, if i think about what has changed in my Master, it is hard to actually explain it in so many words, but His “manner” and His attitude towards me is different, it is subtle but the change is there. He is almost softer if you like, and probably because of that, He would say that i “act more like a wife sometimes” which of course maybe true in His eyes - but not in my mind!

 

I still see myself as His slave, He still sees Himself as my Master but i think – and this is where i think the change comes in – because we use the words husband and wife   - those words sneak into our subconscious and whether we like it or not, they embed themselves there.

And so then, subconsciously we start to think husband and wife, rather than Master and slave.

Perhaps the slave tries to persuade the Master a little bit more, perhaps the Master softens His attitude because after all this is His Wife, the woman He promised to love and protect and care for “till death us do part”

Perhaps the slave does things that she would not have done before, buying Him little presents, because now she has her own bank account  that says – Mrs XYZ…

Perhaps the Master sends flowers to “my wife on her birthday”

 

It is, in my opinion, those little things that sneak in, those are part of the reason things change.

 

The other point that needs to be mentioned is “time” – Sir and i have been living 24/7 for about 10 years now, and as we get older, as the relationship strengthens and lengthens,  and there are health issues to deal with, we have to be more in the role of husband and wife, than ever before, i can’t really walk into a hospital and ask where “my Master” is…. I have to ask where my husband is… i make appointments via phone for “my husband” i go to the chemist for “my husbands medication” etc, Sir will introduce me to his Doctor as “this is my wife…”

 

I know things have changed because Master is different towards me, whether He realises it or not, and i am sure that subconsciously i do sometimes behave like a wife and not like a slave, though having said that, what is the real difference? Sure, i don’t use His given name, I call my husband Master or Sir……  but i do everything for Him to make His life easier, i try hard to fill all of His needs – doesn’t  a wife do that too?

 

© Kim Debron 2014

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